i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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