I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
