Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
