Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
