he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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