planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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