At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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