I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
