I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
