Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
