Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
