Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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