i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we should paint friendship bongs
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