My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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