He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
