I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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