If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
