my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
