How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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