I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
