I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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