What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
