So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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