Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
