my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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