ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need a beard to bite.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
