Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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