I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
