he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
