the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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