I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
