Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
