you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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