i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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