we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
