I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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