My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
