so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
