so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
