my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
