Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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