You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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