just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
