Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
did you just send me my own nude
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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