just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
