im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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