if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
