mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
