I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
