I just pynch a tree in the face
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
