dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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