We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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