I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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